So I just got out of the briefing room. We just finished singing for the 12:00 worship with the word set. It was awesome. Although when I first started singing it was rough today. I guess its the hardship of having to teach salsa and yell for a few hours then come to the house of prayer and sing. It takes a toll on my voice. I end up with a hoarse voice. Sometimes I have no voice at all to sing, and end up yelling out sound throughout the set or nothing will end up coming out. Its frustrating when that happens. Which is exactly what happened today. I basically went to sing and at first I was having some difficulty singing....but after the first 35-40 minutes into the set, my voice started to get warmer and I was able to flow.
Our sets are always about the same subject....Philippians 2:5-11. Basically we sing about the humility of Christ. How fitting right? That subject is tearing me up lately. Just understanding the humility of Jesus. Melany sings the first cycle of the set and I sing the second cycle. That means, we have a two hour set....and the first 30 minutes we just sing worship songs, then we spend about 30 minutes singing the scripture. After that we sing worship again for a while and then the 2nd cycle starts with the same scripture reference. Usually a different part of the scripture...meaning, the last verse or two of the passage. So when my part came to sing today.....as usual....its nerve wrecking to hear yourself singing alone on the microphone. Its not like singing on a Sunday morning service with a full band and lots of sound filling the room. When you sing with all that, its not as difficult cause your voice flaws aren't as noticeable. But boy, when you sing during one of those sets, its just Melany playing the keys and just you on the microphone. If you have a tired voice or sound hoarse....everyone can hear it. I mean, I know its not about having a great voice when you are worshiping the Lord.....but I guess my human nature...starts to worry about the flaws and it actually throws me off sometimes. I am still working on that.
For the most part, its not that bad....especially when we all start to flow together singing and exalting the Lord. I love when that happens and I can actually feel the presence of God. The only way to describe what I feel at that moment is this: as I'm singing I can feel this nervousness all over me....like in an exciting way, like the feeling you get when you are waiting in line to get on a roller coaster. You get all nervous with excitement. For me?..........I get that nervous feeling in my legs and then it just fills my entire spirit with joy but fear of the Lord at the same time. Its weird because I just can't put into words what I feel physically and spiritually. Usually when I start to really feel a tangible presence of God, I start to weep in the presence. Its this uncontrollable urge to just weep and cry. Not in a bad sorrowful way, but in a way that I can't explain. I'm not sad. I'm just in awe of the Lord...and all these emotions and thoughts go rushing in my head and into my heart. I start to remember how God saved me many times from death.....that makes me weep. Then I think in my human nature, how I have failed so many times before and the Lord forgives me in His grace and mercy. That makes me weep too. Then I think of how He loves me so much, that He gave His only Son as a living sacrifice for my redemption. Sometimes I think of looking into the eyes of Jesus....even if I have never seen Him eye to eye. But I feel Him and His love and mercy....and kindness....and grace....then I weep again. Sometimes, I get filled with such a fervent fire instead of weeping. What I mean is that I get filled with this violent fire to pray and shout out to the Lord....it literally pours out of me, especially when I am interceding. Sometimes I feel that way when I sing too. Especially during intercession sets. I just get filled with God's presence and get filled with this Holy Ghost fire and I just want my words to pierce the darkness like a sharp knife. I guess that is why my favorite scripture in the bible is Matthew 11:12 - "And from the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent shall take it by force." Wow, what an amazing scripture! That is a great description of what I feel when I get filled with the fiery presence of the Lord.
By the end of our set today, we were all flowing in the presence of God.....just singing and lifting the name of Jesus up on high. Giving Him glory and honor and praise. Its amazing. You know.........its not easy to be involved all day in the house of prayer and just have to unplug to go teach a salsa class. That is such a hard thing for me to do. But I have to constantly remind myself that its not about me, its about the Lord...and everything I do......should be for the Lord to be glorified. Even teaching a salsa class. So, even though I have to leave the presence of the Lord being in the prayer room, His presence will be with me no matter where I go. As long as I am giving the Lord all the glory and honor. Well......back to my book!
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