What ends up being important to me....

Lots of exciting things are happening around me lately. Some good, some bad. Regardless of whether they are good or bad....the fact is, that everyone (or at least it feels like everyone) around me seems to be soaring. What I mean by that is, I feel like sometimes I'm just standing still watching everyone around me evolve into bigger and better things. I don't exactly feel like life is going gently down the stream. It feels like I'm swimming upstream lately. I am not the only one feeling that way. I know Ralph feels the same way too.

I've been observing a lot of people around me and how things are going in their lives. Although on the surface is all I can observe from, it just come across like I am in the middle of a busy street in Manhattan. Its like everyone around me is moving and has a set place they need to go, yet I am still standing around watching everyone pass me by. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing myself a pity party here. I am just thinking about how my life just feels like its just going really slow.

I just wish that things would just progress for me already. Or should I say for us. I see people around me getting so blessed, favored, becoming famous, having babies, going to school etc. I don't know, I guess since I don't see anything happening in my life that is meaningful or that makes me feel successful. I almost feel like I'm not walking correctly in my destiny. I mean, I truly believe we can change our own decisions by the choices we make so, I really have to observe the paths I choose to take. I don't want to look back one day and think that I have made the wrong decisions in life and ended up changing my destiny.

The brighter side to all of this is, that in spite of all the drama going on in my family, and the frustrations I have at work, or the confidence in myself.....the best part about my life is that I am truly blessed to know the Lord. When I feel lonely in this world, Jesus will sit with me and keep me company. When I feel like I have had enough drama and can't take it anymore, the Lord will let me cast my cares upon Him. When I am down, He lifts me up. When I am weak, He makes me strong. And truthfully, although I see people around me praised, or becoming famous or favored by all......the one true blessing I hold onto as the most important things to me is, knowing that I have eternal life. Knowing that my Lord is faithful until the end. Understanding that its not about my glory.....but the Lord's glory that matters.

I don't want to be the kind of person that has to be the one in the limelight with all the glory. I would rather be the person that the Lord sees and has favor over me. I would rather sit in the shadows with the Lord, then be on top of the world.....and be all alone. I'm just blessed to know and have the privilege of being saved and aware that I am the daughter of the living God!

Some things matter to some people, and to others it doesn't make a difference. In my life, the most important thing is to follow the will of the Lord. Everything else will stay here on earth after life is over. But knowing that you did the Lord's will and obeyed His command, will benefit you even after you are gone. I'm just blessed......

the thoughts in my head

Have you ever just sat and allowed thoughts to just run inside your head? What I mean by that is, just sit and think. Today is one of those days that I spent a lot of time just thinking a lot of thoughts in my head.

I think about what my life is like now. I think about how I've gotten to this place and time. I think about where my life is headed. Sometimes I think about destiny and where the Lord has my steps ordered. I wonder if I am headed in the right direction or not. Or if I have altered my destiny in any way by making certain decisions.

I often think about my character or personality. Whether I am reflecting the love of God or not allowing the light of God to shine out. I think about what people see when they look in my eyes. I believe the eyes are the windows to the soul......so what do people see when they look at me? Do they see Jesus who lives in me? Do they just see my brown eyes? Do they see joy? Or sorrow? Can they see my present standing or do they just see my past?

Today when I left OHOP I had a ton of thoughts going through my mind. Some good, some bad. At 2:00 today, I had to sing for a "worship with the word" set. We sang on the hymns of Revelation. I must say..........it was the best set I've ever sang on. Not because of how great the music sounded or the scriptures being the best. I believe it was the best set for me personally because I was allowing myself to be free to sing from my heart. I finally had an oracle today too. That was interesting. I just happened to remember a dream God gave me a few months ago about the end times. That vision flashed in my head and I immediately felt the presence of God. So I sang the scripture based on my dream. I felt freedom to do that today. I can't say I have felt that during any watch that I have done so far.

I fight my mind a lot about insecurities and worries. I know the word of God says in Philipians 4:6 - "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Sometimes that is easier said than done. I just have to remember to take those thoughts....and bring them to the Lord. Then He will bring me peace and clarity....joy and understanding.

I hope today the Lord gives me good dreams. Hopefully something prophetic. I dream a lot....and a lot of them are dreams that come to pass. Maybe today is one of those days! With that.....I will just take the time to release my thoughts through blogging. It helps out either way ;o)

Drama, drama, drama

Gosh what a long week it has been. It started to be just a non-stop week of activities, work etc. It has been very stressful at times, but some times throughout the week were just wonderful. I would go to class sometimes frustrated and leave just as happy as could be. Sometimes, it takes a smile from someone else to brighten up my day....and as a dance instructor, there are lots of smiling people in class and they make me laugh so hard sometimes. It puts my worries on pause for a while.

At times, I think I have it all under control.....but then I get a quick text, or email or even message on the web that changes everything around. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. I guess the bottom line is to figure out how to handle every situation that comes my way. In a way, its like God's way of taking you from glory to glory. Either way, its just a way to learn and to grow.

Lately, I have been hitting prayer harder than usual at the House of Prayer. I have my long list of petitions and prayers for people around me. I pray from a range of subjects like the president, to someone that messaged me on facebook. I pray for friends, family, strangers.....just everything. I feel like the more I pray about everyone and everything.......the harder they get hit with situations. I am sure the enemy is pretty pissed that I am praying for people.

Whatever the situation may be, I just need the Lord to give me strength. Strength to keep pressing on through tough situations. It almost gives me a holy anger. When I feel that way, I want to just war in the heavens even more. I am sick of struggling, and I am sick of seeing others struggle.

I keep hearing the same scriptures in my head and in my spirit........

"Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

Galatians 6:9 (New King James Version)

⁹ And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

I'm going to just meditate on that for a while. I need to just let that soak into my spirit so I don't get weak and frustrated.

What a long week

Boy has it been a long few weeks. We had so many things going on at once. Its nice to finally slow down a little bit from chaos to organized chaos. Its been crazy what with all the conferences and now with events going on each Saturday from now until June. Summer seems to be a busy time for us.....(me and Ralph).

This past week was so busy that we barely had time to go and study at the prayer room. In our book, that is torture. We enjoy being in the House of Prayer to just detox from all that we go through in our busy weeks. Lately, we go non-stop from day to day. Its nice to just relax a while and feel like our burdens are being lifted or pushed aside for a while at least. This weekend alone has a jam packed schedule of teaching, socials and baby showers.

First we have Friday class, then practice after that. Then Saturday morning we have privates then class.......after that, we have a social at night to raise money for the Compassion Center! Then its onto church Sunday morning to then leave, and go to the studio for a busy day of decorating and baby shower organizing.

That part is exciting. Ralph's sister is having a baby and her little boy will be here very soon. So, we have to do a shower asap....considering the circumstances. Well, she is one of those rare cases that found out she was pregnant when she was 7 months pregnant. I know, crazy right? Her belly wasn't growing or anything. So now she has a huge belly and we had to plan a last minute shower for her before the baby gets here. I'm excited. Its Ralph's first nephew. He's never really been an uncle. I've been the one with a niece and nephew so I'm a pro at it! I'm looking forward to what this weekend will bring. Then its onto another busy week of events.

Oh Lord, I pray that I have all the time I need in the prayer room!

Ralph's 25th Birthday

Well Ralph is now officially a quarter of a century old! We went to church this morning instead of going to the beach because Justin Rizzo was doing our Sunday morning worship. So of course we can't miss out on that! After that, we fellowshipped for a while and headed out to Elliot and Iris' house.
The guys decided they wanted to go to Dr. Greenbergs house to play basketball so Iris and I went ahead and left to the hospital to visit Edwin and Heather's new baby Aiden Samuel.
After that, we went and got ready to leave to Amura where we sat at the habachi grill and ate sushi. It was so great! I love that place....its up there on my top 3 favorite places to eat.

Onething Conference

Onething 09 finally came and went! I had such a blast. It was my first time going to a Onething conference and it was everything I imagined and more. I loved it!

We started out by loading up our vehicles with equipment this past Friday, (to move the prayer room over to the conference) and heading out to Iglesia El Calvario where the conference was taking place. When we got there, we started setting up the prayer room area as soon as possible because on Friday there was a prayer watch from 5-8pm with Joanne. So once we got that taken care of, we were running around taking care of whatever needed to be taken care of. There were volunteers running the registration tables, the bookstores, ushering, seating area, and information booths. It was a very busy day.

The conference started right at 7:00pm and Matt Gilman was leading worship for the first session. I never get tired of hearing Matt Gilman lead worship. He's just so anointed. The once that was done, Wes was the first speaker to come up speak at that session. It was awesome....until......Ralph remembered that he has to be on the other side of town to run his student training team practice. Ugh....we frantically got up and left to drive to E. Colonial for practice. It was already an exhausting day to begin with, and it just got worse when we had to go workout and dance for two hours.

When we left practice we were so exhausted that both of us were trying to stay away to drive home. It was a long day. Plus, we had to wake up early for the first session on Saturday for Onething.

That Saturday we both ended up missing the first session from lack of sleep and exhaustion. We both got ready quickly and left to the conference. Once we were there it was like round two of running around............but before that happened, we had to sing at the 12:00 watch with Melany. I must say, that was the best watch we have ever had. I was expecting everyone to be at lunch out and about during that two hours but the prayer room was packed with people that were fully engaged with the worship with the word set we did. It was so great. I loved it.

The next session after that was the breakout session for leaders and latinos lol....seriously that is what it was for. After that, the evening session started. Justin Rizzo was the worship leader Saturday night and man....oh man...........can that man worship. I absolutely love the way Justin Rizzo leads worship. It was amazing! Then Duane Roberts did the night session about the end times and the houses of prayer. I was just in amazement at the way he explains things. It was wonderful!

In all, the conference was just awesome....and I can't wait to go to the Onething conference in Kansas City for New Years!

So busy!

Gosh, today I finally had the opportunity to just sit still at the House of Prayer. I feel like my week has gone non stop for days. I literally had a hard time last night teaching class. I felt so weak and tired. I have to pace myself because sometimes I get so focused on trying to get everything done in a fast manner, that I forget to sleep and eat and do normal things that everyone does. I guess its a good time to take another beach trip. I'm looking forward to that this weekend. I just want to be quiet and lay on the beach and just relax.

Lately I have felt so bogged down with stress and only because I am allowing that. I really just want to take the time to allow the Holy Spirit to refresh my soul and just spend time relaxing in His presence. This time I will have my IPOD with me and I just want to spend time relaxing and hearing worship music. I want to read more books and just enjoy myself. Plus, its a great time to relax and enjoy Ralph's birthday. I think he will really appreciate going to the beach and relaxing there. He needs it because he really does work hard. I don't tell him enough.

I'm really looking forward to the fact that all of his training team students (or some of them) will be going to Amura for Ralphs birthday dinner. They just love him and he needs to be told how much he's loved sometimes. Guys don't request to hear that often. We women always want to know that we are loved. So when others go out of their way to show you their love, its really nice. It makes you feel so good. I am going to enjoy seeing everyone there having a great time with him!

Stay tuned and I will post pictures!

Easter Sunday

What a beautiful Sunday morning! Today is Resurrection day...and I just love this time of year. Its spring, and the time to celebrate what Jesus did for us on the cross. Today represents when Jesus rose again! Oh how He shines today! The day is as bright as His beautiful face. I woke up early to get ready for the church service and Elliot and Iris stayed over with Leilani. When we went into the kitchen, Elliot had made everyone breakfast. How sweet was that. Menu of choice was......pancakes and eggs.

Leilani looked adorable as usual....she saw me as Iris was coming down the stairs and she yells "titi"....it just melted my heart. I love that she knows who I am in her life even if we aren't blood relatives lol! So we all loaded up the cars and left to church. We got there and the worship was beautiful. I love singing songs to Jesus, just adoring Him and thanking Him for what He has done for us all. I even shed a few tears during worship just loving on Him. The service PC gave was wonderful. He talked about the Feasts during this year...and he emphasized the Passover Feast. It was just so beautiful!

Afterwards, Ralph and I went to IHOP to eat dinner with the family. We spent a great afternoon together. Now Ralph and I are at home just relaxing and getting ready to go bowling later with the family. A great ending to such a great day!

ahhh the beach

squinting eye pic. lol

the view while I was there

caught Ralph asleep on the chair....just relaxing...and he deserves it!

the beautiful beach......I just loved it!

Wow so Ralph and I spent the day at the beach on Friday. Let me just say how I absolutely love the beach. I hate the summer, but going to the beach makes it so much better. It was just perfect weather. Breezy but hot. I didn't dare go into the water because it was super cold, but the sand was perfect. I got slightly darker of course, but its just the first layer of tan for the summer lol.

I loved just sitting quietly on the beach and listening to the water, the birds, the peace of the moment. During the week, I get so busy and sometimes overwhelmed with this and that, I end up feeling stress or sometimes even don't get good rest. Boy, when I was at the beach, I fell asleep on the blanket. It was blissful. I was eating healthy, sipping on cold bottles of water and just relaxing.

Ralph and I made a decision to do our best, to travel more often to the beach over the summer. Last year we rarely made it out to the beach. But I feel like its necessary instead of desired. It just brings so much stress down from our lives. Plus, its just a pleasure to enjoy what God created. I love it. I am going to look forward to the wonderful summer I plan on having this year. I am believing the Lord will bless Ralph and I with a wonderful year....and a great summer!!!

Training Team Practice

My hubby is running the training team practice every Tuesday and Friday night until July. Its a lot of hard work but also lots of fun. So whats a training team? Well, in salsa class you begin at the first level which is Beginners 1....then you work your way through the levels until you reach Advanced 2. Once you've gotten to that level, you then have the option to audition for the student training team. On that team, you train twice a week to go further than your usual class levels. The bonus is that you get to perform at the end of the training period (which usually consists of 4-5 months).

Last night Ralph introduced the song that they will be performing. I love it. Its instrumental and very musical. No words which I love. Sometimes, just the words alone, throw off the entire routine so I'm actually happy that he chose a song that has no words. Its actually a very classy salsa song. Not the usual studio type of songs that you hear lately. Either way, its a great song and I am so excited about the performance that they are going to put together for the Salsa Congress this Summer.

I will be taking lots of pictures throughout the season so they can see their progress. Maybe video tape it here and there as well. Plus, its nice to have a visual of where you started and how far you've come since the beginning of the training process. The only difficult part for Ralph and I, is that we get home late and end up waking up later or having less sleep. Thats tough. Anyway, we will get through it. I'm looking forward to whats to come!

Today in the prayer room

Well, today was supposed to be a good day. It turned out to be not such a good day. So far, I was pretty annoyed when I first got to the prayer room for reasons I won't mention....but it just sparked a bunch of other emotions and moods and I can't even concentrate here. Its not the prayer room itself, its just people that are hard to deal with sometimes.

Today I just feel like giving up. I know it sounds extreme but I just feel like crap some days and today is one of those days. I guess I just am having one of those days where I want to sit still and quiet with no one bothering me. Maybe I'll do that later at home. Anyway, its just frustrating. Sometimes I just want to be left alone....and today is that day for me. The more I think about it, the more I just want to crawl into a hole and close the lid over it and just be still. I know its an inner thing....but its just hard today. I am pretty sure that everyone had days where they are just tired of lots of things. For the most part, I can usually cast all my cares on the Lord and just keep going. But today is different. I am not sure why. I am trying to search for a reason behind my annoyed mood and it just all boils down to my spirit. I am just bothered in my spirit for lots of reasons today. Maybe instead of dumping all that when I began to feel it, I chose to hang on to it. Since I still have it with me in my spirit bothering me, its just building up like a snowball and if I don't take the time to dump that out of my system, it will just cause me to blow up later.

So, I am going to sit still, be quiet and just whisper my prayers to the Lord. I mean its no one's fault but my own, and I need to address the issues of my heart. I'm actually here in the prayer room listening to Nick's set with the interns. They are doing really well.

grrrr

Our Anniversary

Today is the day before our annivesary. We actually got married on 4/5/06. That wasn't planned for that exact date but it just landed on that day. It was a random week day. Here we are three years later from our actual wedding date.....and it feels like its been 10 years.....;o) I'm happier now than I can ever remember....so far so good!

On our pre anniversary date, we decided to eat at Macaroni grill and it was soooo good! I ate Seafood linguine and Ralph had steak. Its was a nice and quiet dinner just the two of us. Now we are home and watching the movie Hitch while we play the game cash flow 101. In which I seem to have become the reigning champion!

Salsa Life....

I just got home from Maitland today. I am super tired of course (when am I not saying I'm tired)...but class was good. My first hour class was a mini class since there wasn't many students in my level 4 class. So it was nice to not have to yell a lot. Second hour was bigger so I did a little bit of yelling. Boy that takes a toll on my vocals....I usually come home from Maitland classes, just as hoarse as I can be.

Class was fun though....it went smoothly. Yesterday's Kissimmee class was also lots of fun. During my Intermediate 1 class, I had them doing "buya". That is something we do in Maitland only. Its when we are beginning to dance a song and we get the class rowdy by yelling "una buya" (which is basically a shout out)...and the class responds by saying "hey"...then I say "doble" (that means double) they say "hey, hey" lol. It sounds ridiculous via the internet, but when you are there in class it gets the whole class laughing. That way they get pumped up to dance to a song. In a way, its strange to think that doing something so silly can get everyone in a better mood. Sometimes it completely changes people's attitudes and moods.

I remember when my mom used to go to classes with me as a student. She was going through such tough times in her marriage with my dad and she would just completely forget her problems for an hour and just enjoy being herself. She was laughing, and dancing and excersizing. But just when we would go home, she would get sad all over again. You know, being a Christian and seeing people come in to these classes.....you never know what the person is going through. And if I can lighten their heavy loads by just bringing a smile to their faces, even if its just for one hour, I can honestly say it makes me feel like I am helping them out somehow (indirectly). I will never forget when my mom would tell me how she would just see class as a get away from her problems. Sometimes we need an outlet. To some its dancing, to some its singing or acting.....to some its art or hobbies. My outlet is the house of prayer. Its the one place I can go to, and just take all my baggage, my burdens, my frustrations, my worries and literally just drop them at the door. I walk in and being there just clears my mind. It purifies my soul just worshiping Jesus and spending time just sitting through worship sets. I sometimes sit through intercession sets and just release all of my worries and burdens by praying fervently. Its nice to have an outlet. And I appreciate that being a salsa instructor gives me the opportunity to reach out to someone in a small way by just making them smile.

Tomorrow is Clermont classes and they are the family fun crowd lol. They make me laugh a lot in that location. Its just a great atmosphere there! I'm looking forward to it.

Till then.......

You're Beautiful!

I'm sitting here in the prayer room, listening to this CD play throughout the house of prayer. Its a recording of one of the worship sets out in Kansas City, MO in IHOP (International House of Prayer). Its just beautiful....the song is a worship with the word set. It has to do with Psalms 27 and they are singing how Jesus is so beautiful. Its just so rich with the presence of God. I had to put my book down to just close my eyes to listen to the words being sung. Matt Gilman began singing this part of the song that says "you're beautiful." He is just singing into the heart of Jesus. How amazing! Of course once I heard that, I had to get on my laptop to blog my thoughts. Honestly, it has taken me a while to really get focused this morning. I came in, the set was cancelled, then I decided to wash the coffee pots and just got wrapped up in doing things to keep me busy instead of just sitting still and soaking in the presence of God. Once I sat down, I had the opportunity to just take my book out and begin to just read. Today's book of choice is called Hungry for More of Jesus.
So far, seeing as how I just started the book, is just wonderful. Its got me thinking about the grief of the prophets of old. Like Samuel for instance.....he had a heart that just grieved for the Lord because of the sin in the world that was around him. He noticed so many terrible things happening and was just grieved. He spent his time in ministry not only as a prophet, but as a man who longed to see righteousness in the world. The chapter I am reading is called "Answering the call to grief." Its pretty intense to see your generation in a manner that you literally spend your time grieving on behalf of the Lord. Wow...what a ministry. Its talking about having a "samuel company" arising in this generation. I truly believe we need that these days. There aren't enough of us out here that are grieved by the sin in this world. I'm going to continue to just seek the face of Jesus. Maybe God will begin to raise up a "samuel company" here at OHOP. I am going to pray for that today!

So its now lunch time. Approximately 1:00 pm. I decided to walk around and breath some fresh air and just eat a quick sandwich in the break room. While I did that, I thought I would take a few pictures of what I was looking at...
I noticed Edwin in the drum room trying to keep things in order. Then I went outside and looked over at the water pond next to the building. Its nice being outside. I take a chair and sit outside sometimes just to spend time reading and praying in the nice weather.
Then I walked over to the other building we have and saw Andrea working and doing admin work. Then I took a quick pic of the practice room before the interns came in to do class. Benji was showing me his piano skills lol. I came back to the prayer room to blog a little more and saw Ralph reading and walking around the prayer room. Its pretty quiet in here today. Everyone is on lunch break right now so its quiet and empty.

No sets today...

I got to the prayer room this morning...to find out that our set was cancelled because of some noise the speakers were making. Which means I don't sing all day today. Booo! Well I guess I could use this time to just focus on my devotionals and studies. I guess its a good thing in a way, because I was feeling a little under the weather today. Just not myself today.

So I'm going to sit in the prayer room and just soak in the presence of God. Stay tuned....

Typical day at OHOP

I just wanted to show a few pictures of what a normal day at OHOP would be like! Allow me to give you a description of what it sounds like. Well right now all I can hear is the speakers playing a Misty Edwards song called "come into your garden".......and I just love that song. Usually when there isn't live worship going on, we have the CDs playing music from the prayer room at IHOP (International House of Prayer in Kansas City, MO). On a typical day, I usually get here, and head into the briefing room to put my lunch in the fridge. Sometimes its empty, and sometimes its filled with interns or worship leaders briefing for their sets.

Now normally, if I'm not briefing for a set, I usually just go straight into the prayer room and get started on my reading and studying.

Then occassionally I will stop to just meditate on the worship music and stop to hear the voice of God. Sometimes I just sit still and quietly just listen to the music and detox all my negative feelings from the previous day or what not. Sometimes we wake up on the wrong side of the bed and just need time to just allow the Lord to fill us with his peace....

Other days I just come in and brief (we meet for 30 minutes before singing to go over scriptures, music and model). Then I spend the next two hours singing to the Lord. Or in today's case, after singing, I am blogging a bit and just studying my book about Humility.

Once I've been here a while, I usually have to leave to go to work...which I am heading out to do in a few minutes....Now if only I could find Ralph. He is somewhere in between the seats of the prayer room in his own little world. ;o)

Today's worship with the Word set...

So I just got out of the briefing room. We just finished singing for the 12:00 worship with the word set. It was awesome. Although when I first started singing it was rough today. I guess its the hardship of having to teach salsa and yell for a few hours then come to the house of prayer and sing. It takes a toll on my voice. I end up with a hoarse voice. Sometimes I have no voice at all to sing, and end up yelling out sound throughout the set or nothing will end up coming out. Its frustrating when that happens. Which is exactly what happened today. I basically went to sing and at first I was having some difficulty singing....but after the first 35-40 minutes into the set, my voice started to get warmer and I was able to flow.

Our sets are always about the same subject....Philippians 2:5-11. Basically we sing about the humility of Christ. How fitting right? That subject is tearing me up lately. Just understanding the humility of Jesus. Melany sings the first cycle of the set and I sing the second cycle. That means, we have a two hour set....and the first 30 minutes we just sing worship songs, then we spend about 30 minutes singing the scripture. After that we sing worship again for a while and then the 2nd cycle starts with the same scripture reference. Usually a different part of the scripture...meaning, the last verse or two of the passage. So when my part came to sing today.....as usual....its nerve wrecking to hear yourself singing alone on the microphone. Its not like singing on a Sunday morning service with a full band and lots of sound filling the room. When you sing with all that, its not as difficult cause your voice flaws aren't as noticeable. But boy, when you sing during one of those sets, its just Melany playing the keys and just you on the microphone. If you have a tired voice or sound hoarse....everyone can hear it. I mean, I know its not about having a great voice when you are worshiping the Lord.....but I guess my human nature...starts to worry about the flaws and it actually throws me off sometimes. I am still working on that.

For the most part, its not that bad....especially when we all start to flow together singing and exalting the Lord. I love when that happens and I can actually feel the presence of God. The only way to describe what I feel at that moment is this: as I'm singing I can feel this nervousness all over me....like in an exciting way, like the feeling you get when you are waiting in line to get on a roller coaster. You get all nervous with excitement. For me?..........I get that nervous feeling in my legs and then it just fills my entire spirit with joy but fear of the Lord at the same time. Its weird because I just can't put into words what I feel physically and spiritually. Usually when I start to really feel a tangible presence of God, I start to weep in the presence. Its this uncontrollable urge to just weep and cry. Not in a bad sorrowful way, but in a way that I can't explain. I'm not sad. I'm just in awe of the Lord...and all these emotions and thoughts go rushing in my head and into my heart. I start to remember how God saved me many times from death.....that makes me weep. Then I think in my human nature, how I have failed so many times before and the Lord forgives me in His grace and mercy. That makes me weep too. Then I think of how He loves me so much, that He gave His only Son as a living sacrifice for my redemption. Sometimes I think of looking into the eyes of Jesus....even if I have never seen Him eye to eye. But I feel Him and His love and mercy....and kindness....and grace....then I weep again. Sometimes, I get filled with such a fervent fire instead of weeping. What I mean is that I get filled with this violent fire to pray and shout out to the Lord....it literally pours out of me, especially when I am interceding. Sometimes I feel that way when I sing too. Especially during intercession sets. I just get filled with God's presence and get filled with this Holy Ghost fire and I just want my words to pierce the darkness like a sharp knife. I guess that is why my favorite scripture in the bible is Matthew 11:12 - "And from the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent shall take it by force." Wow, what an amazing scripture! That is a great description of what I feel when I get filled with the fiery presence of the Lord.

By the end of our set today, we were all flowing in the presence of God.....just singing and lifting the name of Jesus up on high. Giving Him glory and honor and praise. Its amazing. You know.........its not easy to be involved all day in the house of prayer and just have to unplug to go teach a salsa class. That is such a hard thing for me to do. But I have to constantly remind myself that its not about me, its about the Lord...and everything I do......should be for the Lord to be glorified. Even teaching a salsa class. So, even though I have to leave the presence of the Lord being in the prayer room, His presence will be with me no matter where I go. As long as I am giving the Lord all the glory and honor. Well......back to my book!

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning

Wow, I just got a call from my mom. She gave me terrible news that my brothers closest friend, Ruben, just died yesterday in a terrible accident. I'm pretty much in shock right now. She was crying on the phone trying to tell me about it. Its strange....I was just at the store, walking around quietly and I heard in my spirit the words "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Oddly enough, the thought came to my mind about death, as if someone was going to die....or this case....already died.

My mom has this amazing gift of the spirit. She has the calling of a prophetic intercessor. She prays and God shows her things and speaks to her every day. There are times I talk to her and tell her things and she already knew before I told her. The worldly view of this gift in its distortion of the word of God, would be called psychic. But I have always learned that the things of the Lord were original and made for good and the enemy comes and takes what was made for good and distorts it for the benefit of the world. Anything that doesn't glorify the Lord, is in itself used for evil. You either for the Lord, or for the world. There is no in between.

She is just so sad and shocked because she said she just gave Ruben a hug a few days ago. He was just at my moms house with my brother. Its sad. One day you are here, and the other day you are gone....just like that. I told my mom that life is so quick here on earth. That is why I spend my time at the house of prayer, interceding and praying for others and myself. I spend my time investing in what means so much to me.....ETERNITY. So many people wonder why Ralph and I spend time at the House of Prayer on a weekly basis. My response to that is....we are only here for a short while. Most people don't make it to live past 90 years old if that. So our time here on earth is short and temporary. But our lives after being here on earth will be eternal. I am a firm believer in the word of God, and I truly believe it is the Truth of the Lord. Why invest so much time into material things like 401k's and big houses and fancy cars. Or why invest all your money into things like a golf club collection or ebay collectors items....when there are people on this earth starving to death and suffering from diseases they can't afford to treat. Or what about people that are investing their time and money into such selfish things instead of investing it in others who are less fortunate and in need? I invest my time and whatever little bit of money I have, to the house of prayer. A place where people pray, and worship the Lord and help the homeless, and feed the hungry. A place where anyone can come and be prayed for when they are suffering whether it is physical, emotional or spiritual.

My mom totally agrees with me on that. She just knew that something was going to happen. Its the mercy and grace of the Lord that my brother isn't dead right now. Ruben called him that very day, and asked him to come hang out for a while. My brother refused to go for whatever reason. I know that it was the prayers of his mother and sister that he didn't get in that car and go with Ruben and his friend. Because that same day, Ruben and his friend both died. The Lord is gracious and merciful. Ik now that many people don't believe in the Lord. They think its just a waste of time, but I have seen the hand of the Lord in my life....and its amazing. God is so good....we can't even fathom the greatness of His love and His beauty.

Life is so short....and Eternity is forever! Ruben will be missed....I just pray for his wife and kids he left behind. Lord, give them strength and peace that surpasses all understanding.

A Day in the life of a growing intercessor

Ok, so today I decided to start a new blog. I used to have a different one when I blogged from the night watch. But since I don't do the night watch here at the Orlando House of Prayer anymore, I figured to start fresh. I guess this is just a way to get some of those thoughts in my head out and into cyberspace.

So today I began reading this awesome book called Humility & Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray. I'm actually on chapter 3 right now, and just had to write some thoughts going on in my head. Like, for instance, this book basically shows (so far) that the life of a Christian is of course, to be like Jesus. Now, in that, Jesus was and is the most humble man that exists to this day. If we are to be immitators of Christ, then our main focus and goal in our christian walk, is to live a life of complete humility. Whoa! If that isn't a heavy load I don't know what is. I mean, we as humans, live such a self centered lifestyle. Its pretty much about ourselves first and whoever or whatever after. But as a believer in Christ, its our mandate to live a selfless life. Where we become a servent of all. Meaning, we put everyone first before ourselves. Primarily our lives should be with the Lord being #1 on our list of importance, and then others after. Wow.

I guess my point to all this is just, that I am sitting here in the prayer room, thinking about my own walk with the Lord and the person that I am. Meaning, my character. If we are to live a life of humility, then that means, dying to ones' self. Basically learning how to give up my "me, me me" mentality, and being more about "what can I do for others, or how can I serve others". Ok, so that may be a little confusing to someone who doesn't understand the life of Christ, but its the only way I can explain whats in my head. I realize that I as a person, am quite opinionated. That I definitely have to change about myself. Its so difficult for me to keep my mouth shut. I know that is high on my priority list of change. I also get annoyed by people easily lately. I know that I have to work on that. I know God is using people around me, to teach me humility. Its not easy to choke back my comments or feelings of annoyance. I find myself continually just stopping to correct myself or being frustrated with myself after I let my mouth just run off with opinions or what not. This humility thing, is quite a challenge for me.

Here is an excerpt from the book: "This is the true self-denial to which our Savior calls us, the acknowledgment that self has nothing good in it, except as an empty vessel which God must fill, and that its claim to be or do anything may not for a moment be allowed. it is in this, above and before everything, in which the conformity to Jesus consists, the being and doing nothing of ourselves, that God may be all." Ok, now with a statement like that....how can you not be floored!

One thing I do enjoy about humility is the serving part. I am a giver. I love to give to people. I love being able to help people out with whatever they are going through. That is definitely part of my character I love. If I see someone in need, and its in my ability to give or help out somehow, I usually do. I don't like to hord things to myself and see others wishing and wanting. I would rather give it to someone else if its in my heart at that moment. My husband sometimes gets frustrated with me because I am always giving away shoes and clothes. I will give whatever I can away. I guess if I can't financially be able to give in my current state, then material things are next in line to give away. Its all I can do for now. Hopefully some day that will change.

Anyway, as I sit here in the prayer room, listening to Tito sing his worship with the word set, and as I read this book, I will continue to write my thoughts in my blog. (sigh....) I have a long way to go in my humility endeavors. This is pretty much step one.

At 6:00 is the intercession set. I plan on praying as much as I can for everything......and also just giving my heart to the Lord...and saying "fix me, cause I'm basically broken as can be". Until then.....chapter 4 is next...(gulp)!